亲密陷阱
Mating in Captivity
Esther Perel · 初版 2006 年
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为什么在那些声称依然深爱彼此的伴侣之间，美妙的性生活往往会归于平淡？我们能够渴望已经拥有的东西吗？为什么向为人父母的转变往往意味着情欲的灾难？良好的亲密关系就一定能带来和谐的性生活吗？Esther Perel 直面这些棘手的问题，探究当我们在对稳定爱情的追求与对激情的渴望发生冲突时，所产生的种种障碍与焦虑。她邀请我们探索家庭生活与性欲之间矛盾的结合，并阐述了将激情带回家庭所需要的努力。在她二十年的临床经验中，Perel 曾
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……Infinity - David Deutsch；Dear Friend, From My Life I Write To You in Your Life - Yiyun Li；Hillbilly Elegy - JD Vance；Inadequate Equilibria - Eliezer Yudkowsky；The Neapolitan Novels - Elena Ferrante；Mating In Captivity - Esther Perel；Our Mathematical Universe - Max Tegmark；Radical Candor - Kim Scott；Scale - Geoffrey West；《第七天》（The Seventh Day）- 余华；Somebody with a Little Hammer - Mary Gaitskill；Stubborn Attachments……
…Infinity - David Deutsch Dear Friend, From My Life I Write To You in Your Life - Yiyun Li Hillbilly Elegy - JD Vance Inadequate Equilibria - Eliezer Yudkowsky The Neapolitan Novels - Elena Ferrante Mating In Captivity - Esther Perel Our Mathematical Universe - Max Tegmark Radical Candor - Kim Scott Scale - Geoffrey West The Seventh Day - Yu Hua Somebody with a Little Hammer - Mary Gaitskill Stubborn Attachments…
Esther Perel 的《Mating in Captivity》。她以一种后现代的立场来探讨如何建立行之有效的亲密关系，而不是一味照搬社会规定好的套路。
Mating in Captivity - Esther Perel She takes a post-modern stance on creating relationships that work rather than just following society’s prescribed path.
如果人们把婚姻视为一种交换契约，那它其实就已经是一种合法化的卖淫了。一夫一妻制（Monogamy）可能是背后更深层的问题。Esther Perel 的《Mating in Captivity》在这方面是本好书。
If people consider marriage as a contract of exchange, then it is already a form of legalized prostitution. Monogamy might be a bigger underlying problem. Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity in a good read on this topic.
……写了一份“亲密关系设计文档”（典型的 PM 操作），列出他们在感情中看重的东西，不仅引用了这类资料，还结合了亲身经历。我也很喜欢读 Esther Perel 的《Mating in Captivity》：https://amzn.to/3lho4gP，书中探讨了激情/情欲与稳定性之间的张力（进入一段关系需要什么 vs 维持一段关系需要什么）。我确实赞同这个前提……
…written a "relationship design document" (classic PM move) outlining what matters to them in a relationship, citing sources like this as well as lived experience. I also enjoyed reading Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity": https://amzn.to/3lho4gP, which discusses the tension between eroticism and stability (what it takes to get into a relationship vs what it takes to stay in a relationship). I do agree with the premise…
Esther Perel 的《Mating in Captivity》也很不错，能让你意识到自己是否能满足伴侣的需求（Needs），以及如果你满足不了该怎么办。
'Mating in Captivity' by Esther Perel is also quite good in terms of realizing whether you can meet the Needs of your partner and what to do if you cant.