……搬出去的时候，我整个人都懵了，完全搞不懂到底怎么回事。我们读过很多关于婚姻和沟通的书，做好了吃苦的准备，打算坚持到底……所以到底出了什么差错？分居后我读了 John Gottman 的《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》，才终于第一次看清我第一段婚姻中的互动机制，以及到底是什么让一切彻底失控。不幸的是，到那时……
…move out, I was fairly well mystified about what was going on. We'd read lots of books about marriage and communication, planned for it to be tough, intended to see it through... so what happened? "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman was a book that I read after we'd separated that first started to make sense of the dynamics of my first marriage, and what caused it to spiral out of control. Unfortunately by that…
这太一概而论了。John Gottman 在这个课题上研究了几十年：https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gottman 他总结了 7 个预测指标。我强烈推荐他的书：《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》。
That is oversimplified. John Gottman has been doing research on this topic for decades: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gottman He has 7 predictors. I highly recommend his book: "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work".
……不在乎自己是不是糟糕的丈夫，而且通常会自我说服问题不在他们身上。沟通是维系一段关系最关键、最重要的事。专注在这个上面吧。John Gottman 的《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》是一本会有帮助的书。这个星球上的每个成年人都是不完美的成年人。听起来你对自己期望挺高的。没人是完美的。没人能把自己所有的……
…don't care if they are bad husbands, and usually convince themselves that they aren't the problem. Communication is the biggest most important thing in making a relationship work. Focus on that. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a book by John Gottman that will help. Every adult on the planet is an ineffective adult. It sounds like you have a lot of high expectations of yourself. No one is perfect. No one has all of their…
一个不请自来的推荐（如果不感兴趣直接跳过就好）。《Seven principles for making marriage work》[1]——对很多类型的承诺制亲密关系都有非常棒的建议。另外，如果他像你描述的那样批评你，他可能需要考虑去做做 talk therapy / CBT，来理清这种行为的本质……
Recommendation you didn't ask for (just skip if not open to it). Seven principles for making marriage work[1] - has great advice for many sorts of committed romantic relationships. Also if he's criticizing you as you described he may want to consider talk therapy/CBT to come to an understanding of the nature…
Gottman 的《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》。文笔算不上顶好，但它是基于 50 年的真实研究写成的。还有 Tom DeMarco 的《Peopleware》。这是每个管理者都该读的书，关于你或许可以如何打造……
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. It's not the best writing in the world yet it's based on 50 years of actual research. "Peopleware" by Tom DeMarco. It's a book every manager should read about how, maybe, you can create…
……问题：Amir Levine 和 Rachel Heller 写的《Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love》。我也推荐读读 Gottman 的书《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》（Gottman 并没有真正采用依恋类型模型，但他的模型处理亲密关系问题同样管用）。至于如何跟伴侣聊这个话题，最佳的做法是……
…matter: "Attached Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller". I also recommend reading Gottman's book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" (Gottman doesn't really utilize the attachment styles model but his model is effective for relationship issues nonetheless). Regarding how to talk to your partner about this, the optimal approach is…
……搬出去的时候，我整个人都懵了，完全搞不懂到底怎么回事。我们读过很多关于婚姻和沟通的书，做好了吃苦的准备，打算坚持到底……所以到底出了什么差错？分居后我读了 John Gottman 的《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》，才终于第一次看清我第一段婚姻中的互动机制，以及到底是什么让一切彻底失控。不幸的是，到那时……
…move out, I was fairly well mystified about what was going on. We'd read lots of books about marriage and communication, planned for it to be tough, intended to see it through... so what happened? "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman was a book that I read after we'd separated that first started to make sense of the dynamics of my first marriage, and what caused it to spiral out of control. Unfortunately by that…
这太一概而论了。John Gottman 在这个课题上研究了几十年：https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gottman 他总结了 7 个预测指标。我强烈推荐他的书：《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》。
That is oversimplified. John Gottman has been doing research on this topic for decades: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gottman He has 7 predictors. I highly recommend his book: "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work".
……不在乎自己是不是糟糕的丈夫，而且通常会自我说服问题不在他们身上。沟通是维系一段关系最关键、最重要的事。专注在这个上面吧。John Gottman 的《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》是一本会有帮助的书。这个星球上的每个成年人都是不完美的成年人。听起来你对自己期望挺高的。没人是完美的。没人能把自己所有的……
…don't care if they are bad husbands, and usually convince themselves that they aren't the problem. Communication is the biggest most important thing in making a relationship work. Focus on that. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a book by John Gottman that will help. Every adult on the planet is an ineffective adult. It sounds like you have a lot of high expectations of yourself. No one is perfect. No one has all of their…
一个不请自来的推荐（如果不感兴趣直接跳过就好）。《Seven principles for making marriage work》[1]——对很多类型的承诺制亲密关系都有非常棒的建议。另外，如果他像你描述的那样批评你，他可能需要考虑去做做 talk therapy / CBT，来理清这种行为的本质……
Recommendation you didn't ask for (just skip if not open to it). Seven principles for making marriage work[1] - has great advice for many sorts of committed romantic relationships. Also if he's criticizing you as you described he may want to consider talk therapy/CBT to come to an understanding of the nature…
Gottman 的《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》。文笔算不上顶好，但它是基于 50 年的真实研究写成的。还有 Tom DeMarco 的《Peopleware》。这是每个管理者都该读的书，关于你或许可以如何打造……
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. It's not the best writing in the world yet it's based on 50 years of actual research. "Peopleware" by Tom DeMarco. It's a book every manager should read about how, maybe, you can create…
……问题：Amir Levine 和 Rachel Heller 写的《Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love》。我也推荐读读 Gottman 的书《The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work》（Gottman 并没有真正采用依恋类型模型，但他的模型处理亲密关系问题同样管用）。至于如何跟伴侣聊这个话题，最佳的做法是……
…matter: "Attached Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller". I also recommend reading Gottman's book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" (Gottman doesn't really utilize the attachment styles model but his model is effective for relationship issues nonetheless). Regarding how to talk to your partner about this, the optimal approach is…